Mimi Moseley's musings

Remembering Jean

2011-10-12T05:24:00.000-07:00

Six years ago, yesterday, my best friend died. Jean Moseley, my mother-in-law, the greatest woman I have ever known breathed her last breath on earth, closed her eyes to us all and opened them in Glory. What an impact she made on this fallen world by showing love and patience to so many. I was one of those.

When I walked into her life I was a far cry from the ideal daughter-in-law, yet she chose to love me as a gift from God and changed my life. Daily, Jean went before the Lord on my behalf asking Him to stay close and guide my steps. The Lord graciously answered. I'm still a work in progress, but refining is happening.

I long to hear her wise counsel again especially now that I am a mother-in-law. I love my girls and hope I can be at even a 10th of the woman she was, as I pour into their lives.

Regrets? Yeah, I have a few. I wasn't easy to love in my young married days. I made comments in an effort to make myself look better, but actually showed foolishness instead. Thank you, Lord, for granting me a mother figure who loved unconditionally. Give me the grace to show that same love to my darling daughters-in-law as well as to all You bring my way.

Good Husband Gossip

2011-09-03T15:16:00.000-07:00

While visiting friends in Atlanta a few years ago, I had a perfect opportunity to get a jab at my husband, Marty, for what I thought at the time would be an amusing story of one of his little faults. Rather than cutely "bashing" him, I made the conscious decision not to expose this area regardless how funny it was.

A few minutes later while Marty was out of the room, I told a different story. One that exposed one of Marty's God inspired qualities: his desire to love others. The couple learned more about Jesus by this example of Marty's great love for those who daily cross his path.

What I didn't know is Marty was standing just outside the room and heard my story which ultimately built him up as a man who chooses to love. He was so blessed to hear me speak so highly of him. I also didn't know that, at the time, Marty was quietly suffering under the feeling he was failure as a provider, husband and child of God. Sadly, he resonated more with the story I was prepared to tell of his faults. Yes, others would have laughed and he would have, too. But hearing me speak of his character and love reminded him of the truth of who he was and Whose he was.

What good gossip are others hearing about your man? Does he ever overhear it? Try picking up this good habit.

Choice to love or gossip?

2011-08-14T13:56:00.001-07:00

I was thinking about my mother-in-law, Jean, today and missing her encouraging words when I am at a loss. Her wisdom was so important to me when I was a young woman at wit's end. Sadly, her words are no longer just a phone call away. Today, I have to make the choice to go to Jesus for wisdom and direction, which is what she would have told me anyway.

What prompted the need today was contemplating the time I made not-so-nice comments about someone Jean loved. She was silent at first and then told me of the pain this other person was experiencing. She paused and a moment later said, "Mimi, you are not being the sweet girl I know." First, may I say just hearing her say I was a "sweet girl" blessed and convicted me all at once. I was, and am, God's sweet girl. However, I make choices at times NOT to be sweet, but to lower myself as if I am not a child of the King. Why do I do that? AUGH! Jean would tell me, "Yes, you blew it. But if you will listen to the Lord speak to your heart at times like this, you will respond poorly less and less." She didn't judge, she just reminded me who I was and Who's I was.

This morning, I observed a couple of other "sweet girls" talking about another one of God's kids. Sometimes we feel we are justified to speak against others. After all, they were in the wrong, right? They were out of line and shame on them. Oh, how many times have I had that attitude, Lord? But what would You have me do, Lord? Take up the offense of another? Build a case against the offender so others will join the club? No, I don't think so. Too many times I have regretted laying aside my position of who I was and picking up the enemy's mantel of judge & jury.

I'm drawn to Ephesians 4:17-32:
"So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed.
That, however, is not the way of life you learned when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. “In your anger do not sin”[d]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

Most of us have not gone to the extreme of giving ourselves over to "every kind of impurity". But aren't we taking little steps in that direction when we choose NOT to love our offenders? I'm thinking Mimi Moseley needs to put her judgmental attitudes aside. Oh, how I will fight when I am right and feel justified. Oh, the sorrow I experience when the Holy Spirit shows me my own wicked ways. He then reminds me those sins have been put away because He remembers that I am dust. Father God, help me to love first, second, third, seventy times seven and choose to love and forgive because You have forgiven me.

Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth

2011-07-14T18:19:00.000-07:00

A few years ago, as we were preparing to leave on a trip, I sat down with our house/pet sitter to leave some final instructions of what I expected her to do until I returned. I had confidence she would do all I asked, but still I stressed the most important things so the garden would continue to grow and the dog would be cared for.

As I was reading through John chapters 13-16, I noticed Jesus’ final instructions to His disciples before His departure. He, too, had expectations on those men so the garden He had planted would continue to grow and the people would be cared for. That’s about as close to a comparison my situation and Jesus’ went.

Those four chapters of John are jammed packed with important information for the disciples and for us to ponder. I was amazed at the chronological order Jesus listed as they sat listening during the Passover meal. Even at a time where the enemy had already put into Judas’ heart to betray Christ, He teaches lovingly and begins washing feet. Beginning in John 13, Jesus began teaching concerning forgiveness. Peter quickly challenges Jesus for His desire to wash Peter’s feet. But is reminded he has already been cleansed by his confession of faith. Yet, Peter and all the rest will make poor choices in their walk and need to seek Jesus’ forgiveness for the daily things we “step in” ensuring the need for us to commune with Jesus each day.

The second area was concerning His betrayal. Jesus lets the group know what is coming and that one of them is the betrayer. Personally, I wonder what Jesus could see in that room. “Scripture says in verse 27 that Satan had entered Judas which means Satan was in the room with Jesus and the disciples. If Satan was there, I venture to guess there were a mess of demons there, too. Earlier in verse 21 of chapter 13 we read, “When Jesus had said this [referring to those who receive Him receive Him who sent Him] He became troubled in spirit and testified, and said ‘Truly, truly, I say to you, that one of you will betray Me.” I assume if Satan and the demons were in the room the oppression was disturbing what Jesus was displaying and teaching His disciples. Hence, He tells Judas “What you do, do quickly.”

The third instruction Jesus give is concerning His departure. Follow me a little further with this idea that the Satan possessed Judas has left with all the demons in tow. The room now lifted of the oppression and was replaced with a freedom to hear and respond as Jesus continues teaching. He tenderly calls them “little children”. I don’t think this was an insult. Rather, I think He was speaking to them as His own. Jesus grabs their attention by saying I won’t be with you much longer and where I go you can’t come. Wow! That would get my attention. Now that He has every eye on Him, He entrusts to them a new commandment “to love one another, even as I have loved you, so you love one another.” (John 13:34) How has He loved us? With grace and mercy! Does that mean we are to offer other grace like Him? Show mercy to those even if they don’t deserve it? Yes, indeed.

Ours and the disciples fourth instruction concerns Heaven. Jesus knew their hearts had started fretting about Him leaving so He calms them with the first verse of chapter 14 “Let not your heart be troubled; believe in God, believe also in Me.” Notice Jesus did not say let not your hearts be troubled. He knows us individually and was speaking to each one of them as His loved each one. Jesus goes on to tell them why He is leaving, to prepare a place for them in Heaven so where He is, they can be also. He closes this fourth part with “And whatever you ask in My name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask Me anything, in My name, I will do it.” (John 14: 13-14)

Well, if Jesus left earth to be with the Father, does that mean the disciples were left high and dry? No, Jesus now brings us to His instruction concerning the Holy Spirit. He tells them He will request the Father God to send a Helper who will be with them forever. A Helper who will abide in them as Jesus says, “If anyone loves Me, he will keep MY word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him, and make Our abode with him…But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I said to you.” (John 14: 23; 26)

At this point, I breathe a sigh of relief. Walking these five instructions so far have brought me to stand firm on the confidence of the Holy Spirit’s position and faithfulness that is with me always. Which brings us to Jesus’ sixth instruction concerning peace. He says He leaves us peace. Not like the world gives so we are not to let our heart be troubled. (Again the singular “heart”). He also says that even though He is leaving, He will come to us. A part of this “peace” encompasses the fact Jesus lets us know, just as He did the disciples, we will experience trouble in this world, but HALLELUJAH! He has overcome the world.

The seventh instruction concerns our fruitfulness. Wouldn’t it be a shame to have this great peace, the Holy Spirit within us, the knowledge of Heaven, the forgiveness of Jesus and the promise of His return yet not an opportunity to bear fruit in return? Jesus encourages us to abide in Him. Stay close and trust Him to lead. I have found the times I choose to be in control of my life, little is accomplished. But when I talk to Jesus and ask Him to takeover control of my plate, He displays how beautiful the results can be and tells me the reason staying close to Him is so needful. It is that my joy may be made full. He wants me joyful as He is joyful. Interestingly enough, in this message of being fruitful, He reminds again of His new commandment to love each other as He has loved. I think He’s trying to tell us something, huh?

Jesus’ eighth instruction is concerning the World. I think of the World and I fret. Jesus says the world will hate us because we are in Him and the world hates Him. Well, that pretty much sums up how we are treated as Christians. We try to be nice to those in the world but since we bear witness of Him because the Holy Spirit lives within us, opposition persists. He gives a warning the hour will come, and to expect it, but remember He told us it was coming. We are to be in the world, but not of the world, right? However, since the world is evil does that mean Jesus let us off the hook for loving others that don’t know Him? Let it not be so. We are to love our enemies. Our actions and words toward those yet to know of His kindness display our heart condition. We need to watch our step. He tells us He has given us this instruction so that we may be kept from stumbling. (John 16:1)

I guess the weight of the world prompts Jesus to give us a repeat of our fifth as we view our ninth area of instruction, concerning the Holy Spirit. Jesus says when the Holy Spirit comes He will convict the world concerning sin, righteousness and judgment. The Holy Spirit will guide us in all truth and disclose to us the will of the Father.

Finally, Jesus lists the last area of instruction before He leaves earth concerning His return. Jesus tells them in a “little while” they will not behold Him, but then in a “little while” they will see Him. I’m sure this really messed with their minds. “We’ll see Him and then we won’t and then we will?” Jesus gives them the biggest “heads up” of their lives. He foretells that when He departs they will weep and lament while the world rejoices. Oh, that’s hardly good news. But then He says, “but your sorrow will be turned to joy…and no one will take your joy away.” (John 16: 20; 22) He’s telling them that they will remember and “get” what He was saying at that time. His words spoke truth, didn’t they? The disciples did weep and mourn but their joy was greater than they could ever have imagined at Jesus’ resurrection. Then as the Holy Spirit was given to them they set the world on fire for a world to know, in Jesus’ name.

We live in a stressful time and only God knows what tomorrow brings. I’m concerned with what is happening in our country and I easily fret. I recently read an article where the writer was asked by theologian, Dallas Willard, if you could only use one word to describe God, what would it be? A list came to the writer’s mind of holy, sovereign, loving, etc. but he could not rest on just one. Dr. Willard looked into his eyes and shared his own one word. “Relaxed.” My first response to this was WHAT? But as I pondered the word I realized God does not fret. He is not out of control or wringing His hands. He is completely aware of all, and none of it has ever been out of His sight or His ability to accomplish what He would will. He was and is relaxed. As I go through my days with the spirit of the living God inside me, I too can tap into a peace knowing a “relaxed” Lord has it all under control.

Who's Watching the Kids?

2011-06-26T05:24:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I had the honor of attending my aunt's 90th birthday celebration. This dear old woman, whom I am named after, has lived a pretty fascinating life. Her stories have kept me riveted to her side more than once, but yesterday she told me one that blew me away. Aunt Mimi was responding to a question I had asked about a photo she had of her in Hitler's bathtub.

As the wife of an Army officer stationed in Germany shortly after the end of WWII, as well as having position to get into certain places, they went to Hitler's former chalet with two other couples. As I understand it, a little drinking may have taken place as they walked out to the almost completely destroyed chalet. The American forces did not want anyone to make Hitler's home a shrine, so it had been all but wiped off the face of the earth, but the bathtub remained. So one by one they climbed in and snapped pictures. She is a true Southern lady, but I got the impression they did this in the spirit of spitting on his grave.

That alone was a pretty good story but she leaned in and said, "Did I ever tell you about sitting in the gallery of the Nuremburg Trials?" WHAT? My mouth dropped open as she began the story. She spoke of the woman doctor and the other evil monsters on trial. Her righteous anger growing as she quietly spoke of the horrors displayed as evidence. Tears welled in her eyes as she went back to those days. She was sickened but felt she HAD to be there to witness these devils would not get away with their sins.

Again, that story was pretty amazing. She said, "Do you have time for one more?" Are you kidding me? YES!!! Aunt MImi: "We had met a nice bartender on the base named Rolf. He made fairly good drinks and we enjoyed talking with him. One day we wanted to go to a movie but could not find a sitter for our two small children. Rolf volunteered to watch them and off we went. Before the movie even started, I felt something was terribly wrong and we went home where all was fine. The next day we went to the bar and heard Rolf had been taken away but we didn't know why. A short time later, the trial began and I was sitting in the front row of the gallery as the defendants were escorted in. The second man in the line was Rolf! He looked me in the eye and gave a little wave. I felt sick to my stomach and almost left. How dare he even greet me like that? I became all the more committed to see this through. It is no wonder I felt the need to return home. A man who had been responsible for so much horror, I had unknowingly allowed in our apartment with our children."

Sadly, the time had arrived for me to leave the birthday celebration and head back to Atlanta. I could have sat at my aunt's feet for hours more and I regretted all the years that I wasted not doing just that. I hugged her extra tight and thanked her for telling me these stories. There are friends of mine from high school who had family members lost to this terrible scar on history. And not only family members but over a million others lost because an evil group came to such terrible power. There is a Proverb which reads, "Be assured, your sin will find you out." there is no escape for the evil. Maybe not where we can see it, but God certainly sees and will see to them.

30 Years Ago Today...

2010-12-27T08:06:00.000-08:00

Thirty years ago today, Matthew Brock Moseley came into the world. He was long expected as we counted down the days to the planned C-section, December 28th. However, at 4 a.m. on Sunday, December 27th, I went into labor. Something the doctors did not want to occur after the complications with Marty III, my first son's, birth.

The unexpected shift to a day earlier for delivery put me into action as I hopped in the shower to be sure I looked my best for the birth. Marty awoke to the hair dryer going and showed up at the bathroom door with a big question mark over his head. He looked so sad when I told him I was in labor on this early Sunday morning. He was in the Air Force at Offutt Air Force Base in Omaha and was looking forward to the next day to be going to the hospital, not Sunday. He turned with a sigh and half awake dressed and got Marty III up to go to the woman who would keep him while I was in surgery.

To this point, the pre-birth experience was just like any other. What makes it unique is the base hospital had been closed for months for a massive remodel and addition and was due to "open" the next day. My "due date". There was a skeleton crew of three on duty this early Sunday morning, but that was all. As we drove into the empty parking lot and walked the silent, echoing halls of admission, we wondered if there was somewhere else we should have gone. We had to actually find someone to check us in. A nurse took me in for evaluation and determined I was indeed in labor and began the process of calling in the troops. (So to speak.)

About 45 minutes later, an OB doctor arrived (not my doctor) and told Marty to help him push my gurney down to surgery. The doctor and Marty laughed about the hospital being a ghost town but pushed away until they had me outside OR. At this point, he told Marty where to "scrub" and ushered him away leaving me in the hall alone. It seemed like an hour, but finally Marty came back covered in green with a look of fear on his face. We both thought he was going to have to "assist", but one by one, nurses, the pediatric doctor and finally the anaesthesiologist arrived and Marty was shown to a spot a few feet away to observe.

A short time later, the surgery produced a fat little guy who proceeded to pee on the attending doctor which had the entire room laughing. Matthew Brock Moseley weighed in at 8 lb. 2 oz. and was 20 inches long.

He has been a joy to us throughout the 30 years. He and his brother made our family a solid pack that we never thought could be improved upon. And then God showed us there were so many more gifts to grant our family and brought us our girls, Anna and Becky, and now all the babies Marty IV, Malea and Lucas. Yes, thirty years ago is a time to remember a birth, but today is a day to celebrate the present. Happy birthday, Matthew! I love you and I love our family.

The Last Beat of the Drum - Encouragement for the Bereaved

2010-11-09T08:36:00.000-08:00

A wonderful young man has died. His talent on the drums was unparalleled as he struck the beats with a force that brought God's majesty a little closer in worship. His fervor for the Lord was great. Yet, God in His ways determined my friends days were complete and this child of God breathed his last breath.

I HATE what death does to the living. I've sat by one too many beds of the dying trying to encourage broken loved ones of God's profound love, but often left speechless.

Observing the anguish of this young man's grieving family and friends I begged God for perfect words to make all the pain disappear. Helplessly wanting to save them from pain. "What can I do, Lord?" In His graciousness, He reminded me of how people had comforted me when I walked the sad roads of death. I could do something!

Each griever years for:

Spiritual touch - PRAY. Often outsiders feel all they can do is pray, as if praying is a sad last resort. Are you kidding me? Yes, pray! But let me be blunt. Really do it! Drop to your knees on their behalf. Wake up in the night and beseech God. Also, ask the Lord for a verse of Scripture to give. The bereaved need God's promises now. But do this with intention. Once you find the verse, ask God for assurance this is it. Be intentional. Send it in a note, card or email or tell them in person.

Emotional touch - The need to cry is great and they need to be heard. I can't tell you how often someone has said they didn't think we shouldn't mention the dead person's name or it would just upset the griever more. First of all, they know their loved one is dead. Next, it really does help when visitors tell the loved ones how special they thought this person was. Don't be afraid to ask if they would like to talk. If yes, then listen for as long as they want to pour out their sorrow. Also, don't be afraid to cry, too. It gives comfort to know others loved the one you loved, too.

Physical touch - Send food! Eating is one of the last things the grieving are thinking about. They need energy, but don't feel like fixing food. Food that can be frozen is especially good, but bring it in containers that DON'T have to be returned. Also, sending some cookies, lunch meat, extra bread, paper plates, etc. will be a huge blessing for the many people that will come and go after the death. As important as food is, so is the need to be touched. Sometimes the pain is so great, we fear our bones will come apart from their joints. A gentle touch of a hand offers comfort. Be sure to ask before hugging, though. As one person craves a hug, another may be so angry they want to hit something.

Remembrance touch - The bereaved have a lot of support at first, but sometimes friends go to the memorial service, eat potato salad and go home. The hurting need to be remembered a week later, a month later, but especially two months later when everyone's lives have gone back to normal. Mark your calendar. Keep in mind there are a lot of "firsts" the hurting will be experiencing this year: the first Thanksgiving; the first Christmas; the first birthday. And as a friend recently told me, "Mimi, the second year is actually harder because it becomes real...she's never coming back."

Obviously, this is not an exhaustive list. Find which one you can do and do it. If you aren't close to the family, you can still drop off food, send a card and pray. But do something. God has placed us as the hands and feet of Jesus to a hurting world. He calls us to love.

Yes, the last beat of this drummer has been heard, but we can keep the music going by loving and supporting those left behind.

Taking a 3 year old before Jesus

2010-07-05T09:26:00.000-07:00

The message at church yesterday was on the paralyzed man who's friends lowered him through a roof to get him before Jesus. (Luke 5:17-26) As I listened I became aware the paralyzed man never spoke. We don't see him ask his buddies to take him, they just seem to gather and do it because they believed Jesus was willing to heal. The Lord impressed upon me the importance of fellow believers bringing our requests before Jesus, and He especially impressed upon me those without a voice.

Our three year old grandson is without a voice. A few months ago he was diagnosed with a mild form of Autism and his biggest handicap has been his speech. He cannot verbalize his needs and we struggle to understand how, why, he must carry this burden. But, yesterday, God was showing me that He has purpose for this trial and those who stand with us will see the hand of God move.

Perhaps God wants our prayers to go deeper than "fix him, Lord". Perhaps there is some area of healing God is doing in some other aspect. In John 11:15, Jesus speaks a fact, "Lazarus is dead, and I am glad for your sakes that I was not there, so that YOU may believe." Jesus used an impossible situation to bring His followers into a closer understanding of His purposes. I think those friends of the paralyzed man had faith, but no idea Jesus would forgive the man's sins first. That's when the conflict arose of what Jesus had claimed to do. The Pharisees were questioning the healing of the most important of all healings, forgiveness of sins. Jesus asks the scribes and Pharisees to reason and evaluate Who He was as He healed the soul. It was then He chose to heal the body.

Is God asking me, and those who join me, to figuratively take this baby before Jesus and believe on a deeper level? Why has He placed this on my heart? Maybe God wants to do a deeper healing in our family. Maybe a more intense understanding in our life groups. Maybe He is using this little boy to get members of our church to believe Jesus is Who He says He is.

Will you join me in taking this baby before Jesus? Will you ask the Lord to show me, us, His will in a deeper way? I want to be changed according to God's will. I am even boldly asking the Lord to give this child a voice through the healing grace of Jesus.

I am aware this heart for my grandson is personal, but I am also aware I have been called to be obed be obed

be obedient to His prompting. Please let me know if you agree to pray for him. The Lord may not be calling you all to do this burden so just let me know if it has struck you to pray. Who knows, you may be joining this effort so that you may believe.

What'd You Have?

2010-06-04T08:45:00.000-07:00

There's a wonderful drive-in/eat-in restaurant in Atlanta called The Varsity, home of the most wonderful, artery clogging onions rings on earth. When you step up to the counter or drive up to the car hop you'll hear "What'd you have?" and you better be ready with your order. It's a busy place with little time to contemplate a choice, but that's part of the experience.

Contemplating a choice isn't always so easy, the Lord doesn't rush us into making important decisions. He actually calls us to seek Him for the choice to make. I'm battling just such a choice right now. My flesh wants to choose resentment that I have been neglected by a friend. I can work myself up to all the ways that I am innocent and the friend is at fault, but the Lord is asking, "What'd you have?" Do I really want to choose resentment or do I choose to see that this friend has issues I may not be aware of? Honestly, I am aware of some of the issues, so I have to ask myself if it is all about me or do I love this person enough to place them ahead of my own feelings.

In my eyes, this friend doesn't "measure up" the way a friend should. However, holding a grudge, is sort of like eating at The Varsity. It feels good at first, but after a while you start to feel a little sick. No, I do NOT choose to resent this person. I choose to love when the Lord asks "What'd you have?"

Saying Good-bye to "Home"

2010-05-17T11:24:00.001-07:00

"I'm going home!" I answered to a friend as I was packing a bag for my short trip home to Tennessee. My flight was scheduled to leave in a few hours and I was eager to see my widowed father-in-law again. He had made the decision to put his home on the market following major heart surgery in December. The home he and my mother-in-law had shared for over 45 years. My family grieved his decision but we knew it was a wise and intelligent choice to make while he was capable of determining where he wanted to spend the remainder of his life rather than having someone make the decision for him.

It was determined by my husband and his brother that I was the best family member to help sort through and pack the house so I boarded my flight home. This dear man met me at the airport, hauled my bag and drove me to the house where I became his daughter 32 years ago. The child of alcoholic parents, one who died of cirrhosis of the liver and the other who shot herself, I would hardly have been considered an ideal candidate as a future daughter-in-law. Yet this dear couple saw a broken girl and reached out loving hands of acceptance. Over the years, their love chipped away at my hard exterior which assured me of God's great love and my place in their family. Their Tennessee home gave me a wealth of memories, and security, and over time I came to believe my adopted position as their daughter.

So many years later, there I stood with boxes packed looking at the emptied space that once held life. Each room I walked through held a memory and all of them included my mother-in-law. In the four years since her death, I attempted to touch her by running my fingertips across her quilt, or by sitting in her chair or numbly walking through the yard. I wanted to touch her again. I wanted to hear her voice but all I heard was an echo. She had gone home.

So this was it. I was saying good-bye to this old house. Yes, I'd be back to the town but never into this dwelling again. With emotion choking out any words, my father-in-law drove me to the airport. The silence was deafening. I wanted to scream, but I knew this dear man's pain was raw, too. I clung to him a few seconds longer, gathered my things and watched this 80 year old swagger back to his car.

I sigh as I see one more area of the "world" I am called to let go of. This home was not a bad thing, but I had to evaluate how much that house took of my thoughts and emotions. Even good things can slip in and steal our focus from the Lord of our hearts. This home was a gift and James one tells us "every good and perfect gift comes down from the Father of lights..." Yes, this was a good gift from God, yet for a season. That season has now passed, but the love remains.

"And the world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God abides forever." I John 2:17

As we remain in the world, there will be parts we want to hold on to. We are called to no longer walk in the futility of our minds, but press on toward the goal toward our true home. As I say good-bye to an earthly home, I long for the eternal home Jesus has promised. One that will welcome me to forever. No more good-byes, I'm going home.

Don't Take Your Children Places Where They Have to Be Bad

2010-01-28T15:40:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been in a nice restaurant, Macy's china department or even Home Depot and seen children out of control and exasperated parents? Years ago I was just such a parent with two wild little boys making me crazy while my husband and I shopped at Home Depot. Each boy got a swat on the rear and we all came home miserable.
Once we were home and the kids banished to their rooms, I called my mother-in-law to vent. She said, "Dahlin, never take your children places where they have to be bad." Well, what did that mean? She said stores like Home Depot are not made for children and a long trip to a store like that is asking for trouble. She said it was the same principle with a nice restaurant. "That's why there are Chili's, Red Robin & other loud restaurants that welcome families and even have children's menus."
Common sense told me her words were true and wise. I felt terrible for swatting them and realized I was the one who needed to be spanked for taking them somewhere they had to be bad. Perhaps, dropping me at a playground with the boys would have been a better choice while my husband hit Home Depot. Lord knows he would have loved not being rushed through his favorite store.
So, next time gals, think about where you are going and if it might just be better suited to go without the kids.

Discouragement a Choice?

2009-10-14T10:35:00.000-07:00

Recently, I read an article by Rick Warren titled "Discouragement Is a Choice". Typically, I would not counter anything Rick Warren would state, but this one caused me to ask the question of myself. His article gave reasons why we allow discouragement to consume us. However, it seems to me it is actually a choice on my part to be the inflictor of discouragement or to encourage.

Warren's article quoted passages from Nehemiah as the people became weary of rebuilding the wall, especially when the "nay-sayers" continually chipped away at their efforts. This can happen to us, too, can't it? A trial may seem to go on forever fearing the weight of the debris will never lift. But that's where God instructed Nehemiah to go to the people and give them courage to continue. He gave them ideas and a plan to move forward. Sometimes I need someone to grieve with me, but also to give me reason to get up from my pit of dispair.

Many of us have seen people pull away when they are discouraged. Unfortunately, we may not always realize they are going through something so we don't think to pursue them. But I wonder, do we really not see they are in pain? Perhaps they said something hurtful to us and we now stand offended. The Holy Spirit may be asking our heart at this point, "You have a choice to encourage and reach out or you have the choice to discourage by leaving them as they are."

Now wait a minute! It's not my fault they are in this mess. I didn't do anything wrong so why is the monkey on my back to be the encourager?

"A new commandment I give you to love one another." John 13:34
"By this all men will know you are My disciples if you love one another." John 13:35
"This is My commandment that you love one another, just as I have loved you." John 15:12

"Just as I have loved you." Well, that's our answer to the question whether to chose to encourage. Jesus did not wait for us to figure our situation out. He was hurt by our decisions. But while we were yet in our sin and pain, He died for us. He reached out to us and calls to be His hands and feet to a troubled world...and even a troubled acquaintance.

Oh, Lord help us to remember how You reached down to us. Help us to remember how others have responded to Your Holy Spirit to be Your hands and feet. Help us to make the choice to be Jesus to others and choose to encourage.

I'm Such a Kid

2009-10-08T16:31:00.000-07:00

Recently, while serving my 2 year old grandson breakfast, I got a glimpse of how I might be seen by God. My grandson was very attentive to me as I continued to dish out the bananas, eggs and toast. He happily patted his fingers together using the sign for "more" of his favorites. He laughed with me and watched me closely which made my heart sing. However, after his tummy filled he lost interest. He was now so satisfied he didn't even bother to give me the sign for "all done". He simply ignored me.

As I sat there trying to get his attention again, I wondered how often I had turned away from the Lord after my momentary need was met. How many times has the Lord given to me but having my fill I moved my thoughts elsewhere. My spirit felt a stab of pain when my grandson had finished with me and I asked God's forgiveness for the times "I'm such a kid." And yet, wasn't it Jesus who said we needed to be like a child to see heaven? I looked at my grandson again and felt such love, even though he was more interested in a bird outside, and thought about how great is our God to love us in our selfish ways.

God remembers that we are dust and showers us with mercy. I don't expect my grandson to praise me for his breakfast...yet. He is just a toddler and doesn't understand all that is done for his good. He just receives. In a short period of time, he will understand the importance of a thankful heart. As Christians grow in our faith, we too understand the importance of giving praise and honoring the One who saved us and provides for our needs according to His riches in glory, in Christ Jesus.

Becoming the Empty Chair

2009-05-28T09:06:00.000-07:00

One of my friends from high school, recently hugged her son Kris good-bye as he headed for a six month deploymet to Baghdad. Kris is an Air Force captain serving in the JAG (Judge Advocate General) office there. His career as a lawyer uniquely qualified him for this position in Iraq to help get that country ready for the transition to self rule.

Kris calls his blog, "Becoming the Empty Chair". I have read all of his entries, which are filled with insight and wisdom intensified by his experience in Iraq. I have considered this profound title and come up with what it means for me as I ponder this young man's faith in the midst of constant danger. One could imagine the "Empty Chair" is what he sees when he remembers the breakfast table of his home in Athens, GA where his brother and parents are gathered. Rather, I see Kris becoming less of himself and more like Christ. Don't get me wrong, Kris is scared, lonely and longing for a hug. Yet, I see a God granted trust exemplified as he writes. His blog writings will be complied into a book upon his return. I think of the following Psalm as one that expresses his position and calling:

"Whom have I in heaven but Thee? And besides Thee, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strenth of my heart and my portion forever. For behold, those who are far from Thee will perish; Thou hast destroyed all those who are unfaithful to Thee. But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all Thy works." Psalm 73:25 - 28

Songwriter, Bob Fitts' song, "He Will Come & Save" has become my prayer for Kris. The words are:
Say to those who are fearful hearted, "Do not be afraid; the Lord your God is strong and with His mighty arm, when you call out His name." He will come and save.
He will come and save you. He will come and save you. Say to the weary one, "Your God will surely come." He will come and save you. Lift up your eyes to Him, you will arise again. He will come and save you.
Say to those who are broken hearted, "Do not lose your faith; the Lord your God is strong with His loving arms, when you call out His name." He will come and save.

I have committed to pray for Kris daily during his deployment, but devoted a special time on Memorial Day with friends. He had sent the following words which were quite fitting for all who have served and are serving:

"A veteran- whether active duty, retired, national guard, or reserve: is someone who at one point in his/her life, wrote a blank check made payable to The United States of America for an amount "up to and including my life." In looking and reflecting on this quote for a few moments, the focus of the sentence is obviously the sacrifice. I believe that is the more striking of the messages of the quote. Given that I so long to go home with new hope growing on distant shores, I certainly empathize with the thought that I've handed my life in the form of a blank check towards a more noble purpose. The less obvious point of the quote is contained in one word: "wrote." This point, certainly present, standing in the center of the quote, is easily overshadowed by the concept of sacrifice. I chose to be here, to do this. Embracing this choice has ironically been the act which has set me free. In my Strength For Service devotional on the 21st of May, I was reminded of Isaiah's response to God's call in Isaiah 6:8. God calls Isaiah to fulfill his calling asking "Whom shall I send", and Isaiah, simply, gracefully, and powerfully responds, "here I am Lord; send me."

Jesus asked three times for "this cup to pass" but accepted God's will and was in agreement with the Father. Kris would like to get away from the forty pounds of weight he must carry to protect him; the 120 degree heat and the constant awareness he must have of his surroundings. Yet, Kris has accepted and is in agreement with the Father as to this "cup". He will drink this cup in whatever form the Lord chooses as he becomes the empty chair. All the while his vessel is overflowing.

Non Nobis Domine! Not to us but to Thy Name be the glory.

Stepping Into Mary's Shoes

2009-04-07T10:19:00.000-07:00

As I ponder Good Friday's approach, I am struck by what might have been going through Mary's mind as she stood at the foot of the Cross watching the injustice.

I imagine what I would feel...
"STOP! THIS IS MY SON!"
In her grief, does she pause from her tears in shock to see the soldiers strip Jesus and then cast lots for His tunic? Does anger temporarily replace the tears as she shouts, "STOP! THIS IS MY SON!" While the other two Mary's and her sister hold her back, does she then collapse in their arms weakly sobbing, "Father, make them stop, this is my son."

Unaware, the One who made her looks down from the Cross with compassion. Mary stares at a dark spot in the dirt and looks up to His hand dripping blood.

Does she remember holding that little baby's hand as she nursed Him?
Does she remember holding that little boy's hand as He stopped her to stare at a rainbow?
Does she remember touching His hand as a young man when He seemed so distracted by a lamb being led to slaughter?
That hand now nailed to a tree.

She gasps as she follows that dripping hand to the face of Jesus realizing His gaze is locked onto her. Even in all His pain, she sees the love not of her son, but her Savior.

As the disciple John draws near to comfort her, all she had pondered in her heart becomes clear and Jesus speaks, "Woman, behold your son!" And to John, "Son, behold your mother."
Jesus provided for Mary's welfare He provides for us, too.

Like Mary, we can ponder and keep all He is in our hearts and be eager for His will to be accomplished in our lives. Then, like Mary, as we remember this day and bear witness to all Jesus has done.

God's Son, my Savior!

"got love?"

2009-04-04T15:32:00.000-07:00

I speak often at women's retreats, but it never gets old or routine. All are good, but this past weekend was special. We met at a conference ground east of Redding and this retreat was to be the last one the grounds would host since they were turning the camp into a full time boarding school for troubled boys. Knowing it was the last weekend made it special to the camp employees and we all chose to strive to help them end well.

That alone was reason to praise God for a good weekend, but He had much more in store for us. I had met with the retreat team two times and been in constant email communication with them for months. The last time we met, I asked them if they planned to come home from the retreat unchanged. All said NO! They wanted to be changed and began praying that way for all the women. The way had been prepared for the Holy Spirit's work and hearts were changed as early as the first night.

Like most retreats that I do, we have small group time after the sessions. I prepare the questions and they spend about 15 - 20 minutes getting to know each other better and talking about the session. Friday night they were still going 45 minutes later. The women were sharing and becoming transparent right off the bat! (This typically does not happen until after the Saturday a.m. session.) Saturday morning we had to make them stop so we could get to lunch. The afternoon free-time offered a great time of ministering of the ladies. Everywhere I looked gals were spending time encouraging others. It was beautiful.

By Saturday evening, we felt the Lord's leading to change the schedule up so there would be no interruption of the small group time. We started with the message, then worship, then communion and finished with celebratory worship which lifted the women to amazing praise for all the Lord had done in their hearts. Their final small group time allowed time to see where they had been, the change needed and the prayers and encouragement from their small group members to stand with them as God continued to work as they return home.

There were a couple of little things I brought to the retreat thinking it might be nice to do, but found God using it as breakthroughs for women. One "little" addition was a verse and prayer on a small piece of paper rolled up and tied like a scroll. (There were about nine different passages and a related prayer on each.) I asked the retreat coordinator just to put them on the ladies' chairs on Sunday morning. I was shocked and awed by what happened. Women came in, read their scrolls and were commenting and giving testimony that this verse and prayer was EXACTLY what they needed that morning. One woman said it was the verse she had been given at last year's retreat and someone a week before had quoted it to her again. She said, "No accident here! God wants me to know and believe His word." Another woman had sat in the same seat for each session, but Sunday morning moved to the next chair. The scroll on the new chair was God's message to her. Out of curiosity, she asked the woman in the other chair she had been in all weekend what her scroll verse and prayer were. It was NOT what she needed. God loved her so much, He even had her sit in another seat and gave her His individual word He prepared just for her.

The theme of this weekend was "got love?" God showed His love afresh to all to the point where each of the women attending, if asked if they "got love?" would say, "Oh, yeah!" This was indeed a special women's retreat.

Learning or Leaning?

2009-03-18T09:21:00.000-07:00

I had one of my low points yesterday morning after watching my husband grow more and more quiet over the desperation of our financial situation. We continue to be "underwater" but somehow pay our bills. Sweet smiles and encouraging words from me just aren't enough. I slipped back into a dismally familiar cave of concern. "Oh, Lord, how long?"

In our morning prayer time together we ask...beg, for assurance to make it one more day. I read the Psalms and identify with David's cries. Will He help? God has a way of answering my prayers in the are while listening to messages on the radio. Yesterday morning's message was on Proverbs 3:5-6,

"Trust the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."

I've heard, read or said those verses so many times they became bland to me. But hearing them afresh in my despair allowed the light bulb to click on. I had been trusting with all my heart but not abiding any further. I realized I was leaning on my own understanding. Paralized, I thought the only options out of our financial problems were to pay everything off by:

Selling the house.
Marty getting a new full time job.

We saw no other option because we were leaning on our own understanding.

I called Marty immediately and told him to go online and listen to the message. It lifted his spirits, too, and we were able to embrace the rest of that portion of Proverbs. By acknowledging we had been leaning on the limited possible solutions to our plight we saw our trust had been limited, too. Goodness and mercy had followed us and we simply needed to acknowledge it was there so we could refocus on the Lord and watch for Him to make our paths straight. We were wandering aimlessly and He gently guided us back to His side.

Our problems are still before us, but God is gently prodding us forward. Where we end up only He knows. However, we know He will stay close reminding us to trust, acknowledge and walk in the path He has set before us.

2009-03-13T10:30:00.000-07:00

Seek & Wait? Whatever!

How many times has a well-meaning friend said, "Seek the Lord!" or "Wait on the Lord!" in answer to your prayer request? Do you want to scream, "WHATEVER!" and "Thanks for the support." Of course no one is trying to be simplistic or unsympathetic to a painful circumstance, they just don't have a better answer to give.

Just such a circumstance has plagued me for over six months. That's when we put our house on the market. Just in time for the economy to crash. Three years ago we began praying about possibly buying property in the Redding, CA area. After about a year we believed we had the Lord's okay to move forward and make the purchase. This began our prayer regarding when to make plans to sell our home. Since my husband tele-commutes, and travels much of the time, we can live just about anywhere. We committed to refrain from rushing ahead of God's leading and sought Him daily for the next 18 months.

Finally, all of the doors seemed to be flying open to put the house up for sale. We started purging, painting and making repairs. One of the deemed "open doors" was my husband's company requesting some of the staff to go half time for six months to make two of their "quarterly numbers". We thought the timing perfect so he could do much of the prep work on the house and so we could get moved and settled quickly after the anticipated house sale. After all, we lived in Silicon Valley and in an area that was desireable, how much time would we need?

Time wore painfully on. I wondered if friends were growing weary of our plight. I wondered if we were experiencing some consequence of sin unaware. I was asked if we would lower the price; would we take the house off the market or would we rent if it didn't sell? I even had someone ask if I had fasted? PLEASE!

We knew the Lord had directed us in this effort. It was very clear and yet here we sit. What happened? In desperation I daily cried out and God showed Himself. I needed assurance and revival of spirit everyday and He granted it. During an especially fearful time, the Lord impressed upon me to "seek" Him. I thought, "Haven't I been doing that?" but obeyed. The next day I spent hours looking up every reference to "seeking" in Scripture. I saw all of the encumberances in the way of my seeking. I saw the need to simplify and in doing so the assurance and revival I needed became clear. I was flooded with insight into how I could be conformed. (This sparked another blog titled "Make Myself a Purse?" which you can read later.)

The excitement of "seeking the Lord" drove me to try studying "waiting" the next day. The same depth of abandoning all to wait met me with a security I hope to explain. Psalm 40 spoke of this waiting. By doing so patiently I may feel like my foot will slip, but He will keep me on the solid rock. He gives a "new song" everyday to assure me of His presence. I am reminded of all He has done for me over the years and they are too numerous to count. My heart's desire conforms to His will and I find myself grabbing every opportunity to tell others what you have taught me. I stand a little taller because I have confidence in how He works and have not hidden the testimony, but told of it.

He has NOT withheld His love from me even though the enemy throws my poor decisions in my face, nor allowed the enemy to have victory over me. The Holy Spirit has given me the grace to let comments from "nay-sayers" pass. We know we are being watched. Friends, my husband's co-workers, neighbors are all seeing how we walk this trial. It is our desire to walk in a way that causes others to praise Jesus. We are afflicted and needy, but our God will NOT put us aside. He is our Deliverer so we can say "Seek & Wait" and "WHATEVER, it takes Oh, Lord let it be."

Is there a 12 Step Program For Bad Cooks?

2008-06-30T14:01:00.000-07:00

Oh, my gosh! I need a 12 step program. I put eggs on to boil & ran upstairs to get my calendar. But I saw I had a few emails & began answering them. Then the phone rang & I talked for about 15 minutes. I checked my emails again & realized the attachment I had tried to send did not go through so I sent it again. I heard a funny sound downstairs but thought it was the neighbor children playing with firecrackers in preparation for July 4th. I began to fret about them setting those off late at night on the 4th and got mad already about the noise to come. I heard another sound & thought I better hurry & finish this email & check it out. Something was starting to smell. Gee, I better wait on the email & see what that is. As you have guessed, the eggs exploding were the sounds I heard. White & yellow matted debris lined the wall behind the stove & the floor. The kitchen smelled like my 10th grade chemistry classroom. Oh, you may think me a fool, but at least I did not pick up the pot with my bare hand, but used a towel to get it to the sink. Sigh. Good thing Marty is gone for four days. Maybe by then the smell will be gone.