The Last Beat of the Drum - Encouragement for the Bereaved

A wonderful young man has died. His talent on the drums was unparalleled as he struck the beats with a force that brought God's majesty a little closer in worship. His fervor for the Lord was great. Yet, God in His ways determined my friends days were complete and this child of God breathed his last breath.

I HATE what death does to the living. I've sat by one too many beds of the dying trying to encourage broken loved ones of God's profound love, but often left speechless.

Observing the anguish of this young man's grieving family and friends I begged God for perfect words to make all the pain disappear. Helplessly wanting to save them from pain. "What can I do, Lord?" In His graciousness, He reminded me of how people had comforted me when I walked the sad roads of death. I could do something!

Each griever years for:

Spiritual touch - PRAY. Often outsiders feel all they can do is pray, as if praying is a sad last resort. Are you kidding me? Yes, pray! But let me be blunt. Really do it! Drop to your knees on their behalf. Wake up in the night and beseech God. Also, ask the Lord for a verse of Scripture to give. The bereaved need God's promises now. But do this with intention. Once you find the verse, ask God for assurance this is it. Be intentional. Send it in a note, card or email or tell them in person.

Emotional touch - The need to cry is great and they need to be heard. I can't tell you how often someone has said they didn't think we shouldn't mention the dead person's name or it would just upset the griever more. First of all, they know their loved one is dead. Next, it really does help when visitors tell the loved ones how special they thought this person was. Don't be afraid to ask if they would like to talk. If yes, then listen for as long as they want to pour out their sorrow. Also, don't be afraid to cry, too. It gives comfort to know others loved the one you loved, too.

Physical touch - Send food! Eating is one of the last things the grieving are thinking about. They need energy, but don't feel like fixing food. Food that can be frozen is especially good, but bring it in containers that DON'T have to be returned. Also, sending some cookies, lunch meat, extra bread, paper plates, etc. will be a huge blessing for the many people that will come and go after the death. As important as food is, so is the need to be touched. Sometimes the pain is so great, we fear our bones will come apart from their joints. A gentle touch of a hand offers comfort. Be sure to ask before hugging, though. As one person craves a hug, another may be so angry they want to hit something.

Remembrance touch - The bereaved have a lot of support at first, but sometimes friends go to the memorial service, eat potato salad and go home. The hurting need to be remembered a week later, a month later, but especially two months later when everyone's lives have gone back to normal. Mark your calendar. Keep in mind there are a lot of "firsts" the hurting will be experiencing this year: the first Thanksgiving; the first Christmas; the first birthday. And as a friend recently told me, "Mimi, the second year is actually harder because it becomes real...she's never coming back."

Obviously, this is not an exhaustive list. Find which one you can do and do it. If you aren't close to the family, you can still drop off food, send a card and pray. But do something. God has placed us as the hands and feet of Jesus to a hurting world. He calls us to love.

Yes, the last beat of this drummer has been heard, but we can keep the music going by loving and supporting those left behind.